Under neon loneliness city
2001 year-end, I came to live in cities now, the plane, wind rushing toward us, the northern city of unique flavor of the winter dance all over the body, more than two hours ago it was warm as in spring, and suddenly are not used up. Before landing, looked from the window to the ground floor, is actually the open-ended black, only bits and pieces of the lights, so I suspect that the stewardess is Baocuo from the city, or the pilot flying the wrong direction. Aircraft take-off city is brightly lit and air noise in the southern city of Xin Fu, the original thought from the moment that they will recall with nostalgia the extreme and the results did not expect, the only lingering of the self can not be taken away by love, girlfriend, still remain in that bustling city of aircraft take-off of the moment, I am desperately looking outside the window, would like to in the following assemblies are generally crowded like ants to find his girlfriend in the crowd, of course, that was all in vain, I do not know because the lower the air temperature outside the window full of so water vapor reasons, or your own eyes moist, and can only see a vague one, suddenly feel very responsible to pay, not let his girlfriend stay alone in that strange southern city, I know that feeling alone in the face of unknown very bad. But many things can not be changed, otherwise, love and miss these two words will not always appear in the letters with the same time.
Got off the plane, instinct will be a bind tightly wrapped in thin clothes, it is left, I bought for my ex-girlfriend down coat, and now discovered that the South can only be bought down south wear clothes, it is only southerner to find a cold East's sense of the twelfth lunar month to do is simply useless. But this action is still a lot of warmth to his heart, remembering that people can warm up. In fact, he is a native of the north and the south was graduating from university to work for two years without such a cold feeling came to feel that warm up, which is one of the reasons that warm up, recall also can ask us warm up. I remember when you just graduated from university at that time arrives in a strange city, and my heart was full of excitement and longing, I feel any brighter, I fly, but a long time, and gradually found that strangers do not represent the open, strangers just a strait-jacket, when all The things that are unfamiliar surroundings, you will find that you have no place to go, you do not have things to do, you, only you own just one person, it is a psychological constraints. Of course, this situation is still better for me, after all, was his girlfriend and I are together, strange feeling of the total can be diluted many. But the end of 2001, came to live in this city is now the time has to understand this truth and know that will have to face is still familiar, such as pre-Moreover, without an accompanying girlfriend, which has become a real strange things, all in all, the only stranger.
I remember one time alone to go to a party (in fact, only had to go to work and businesses), the sitting in a taxi, looking out the window the crowd, looking at those who are hoisted, neon signs, etc., suddenly feel that they are the poor, suddenly found itself simply does not belong to this city, all people, all of the things that have nothing to do with me. Everything on their own, not being in the city, they are separated by thousands of miles, they seem out of reach. Small, often heard people say a word: a sense of belonging, but because of their young age can not understand the meaning of the word. Now, I deeply appreciate the term be considered one of the sad. A sense of belonging? Maybe have a sense of belonging, have a tired feeling, a feeling there will be some bailing, but I would rather be tired and find ways to break free of the feeling of siege, but also want to be an empty hole in the numb feeling of immersion. It suddenly come to a Hong Kong film (I liked the film a man) - "Julius and Liangshanpo", which the male protagonist often ask themselves, what they are all busy? The streets on a daily basis with so many running for what ah? Although I do not regard to this point, but I can understand this feeling. The city's all my business Pishi ah!
Technological development of mankind really fast, phone and aircraft closer to everyone's distance away from the family there is love inside Qianshan Wan friends, a phone, a few hours of flying, they can hear the sound to see the faces, it seems that all the The problems are gone. In fact, all problems have not disappeared, one bomb is more lonely lonely heart, thinking of the flight can be a few hours or a few minutes of phone calls to resolve do? The meaning have been accompanied by non-payment exist. I suddenly thought of a favorite film - "Fight Club", many hearts lonely hearts of the city under the neon lights, and only through extreme vent to get a moment's comfort, but the next morning up, nothing had changed. I remember one vacation to return home, accompanying his mother watching television, television put the Chao Chuan oldies - "I'm ugly, but I am very gentle," was first impressed with the song can not be self-sustaining, "Every one evening, at the edge of the city, I am proud of the giant; every morning in the bathroom mirror, they find that they live in the razor edge of ... ... "so traumatic as the words, only the lonely lonely heart can think of.
Sometimes girlfriend, the phone, and her mother the phone, are reluctant to admit this now has his own inexplicable way, it's unwilling to admit that does not mean that does not exist. I think my girlfriend and the mother can feel, because they and I are the same. I do not know, this state but also for how long? In this city, has spent nearly two years, during which a lot of things happened, I've met a lot of people, have forgotten a lot of people, but it seems not leave behind a deep memory of the initial opening scene of the plane that appears is the happened yesterday in general. Inundated with ah! Floating ah? When envy can be small, floating on the outside who feel that they must be very happy, you can go to many different places, get to know many, many people, Oh, actually do? Suddenly remembered an old songs - and "Random Hearts", all of the memories, have become a ticket copies, but if one day, one is not careful, those ticket stubs are lost, then, and the ticket stubs will be implicated in memory loss do? I shudder to think of the down.
Most recent mood was very good, not because we must leave this city immediately went to another city, and not because we can immediately put an end to the floating life, but a new meet a few friends. This is a few new friends is definitely the sense of friends, not the working relationship between the fair-weather friends, it is absolutely not the same. While the love is still not around, although not in the close family ties, but at least now, there around friendship. May have their own leaving, but in fact this is only a feeling, but their hunch has always been less accurate, but I would like to say, thank them, perhaps they could not understand my inner feelings, but that does not matter, as long as I understand on-line啦. I am a very optimistic person, his girlfriend had said to me many times of education: As a man, a bit more optimistic, so it amount to anything. I often would say: a little bit pessimistic about the people who will be more sensitive to feelings, which is often said that a very heavy bonds of friendship. Do not know if my logic is not a fallacy, but now some could not bear this city, and possible, because this bar a few new friends.
It is 2003 in August, and the northern city's temperature is not considered hot, and its proximity to the coast, the sea breeze great, really nice. I do not know where he or she will spend a third winter, my girlfriend bought that piece of clothing has been brought back down that those who have left countless times went back to southern cities, and telling the truth, I'm tired of this kinds of life, remember the winter of 2002, I put the spring to wear the clothes to take back, with the result and finally took a piece back. This is perhaps the wandering mind, Oh, clothes go into a person's state of mind turned out well. Also that his girlfriend is still a strange southern city life, family, strangers in another northern city life, and I, in this strange city life does not belong to me, this is what I state. Here we must make it clear that I am here to use the three "strange" but in fact this is the expression of my state of mind, that southern city, while also living there had been nearly two years, for now I am concerned, is considered a very strange , and sometimes his girlfriend the phone, she always said that where the shopping gone, but I can only hold in order to reflect the confusion, I have basically no impression, and every thing back office, watching the busy street, watching As the reform and opening up high-rise buildings brought multicolored lights, I feel very strange; there that I have lived in the northern city of 20 years, now do not know what kind, and every time back from the strangeness and the shine with the excitement of all let me to marvel at; there is now this city of my life, apart from a few friends other than everything is still unknown.
Zhuo Wen writing is to a few years or 10 years after a proof, a state of loneliness, I think, a person's life were, they would not come across too many back bar, you see, I started blind optimism. Only hope that this optimism can be achieved enough.
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