"Painting and CHANEL"
This is a corner of Hermitage.
Sunlight through glass and thin curtains, leisurely's diarrhea to my small table. I like the bath after a root hair put up, smell the Ruoyouruowu's "Feng Ying" flavor, quietly listening to Europe and the United States nostalgic song and melody, any wind Piaowu scattered thoughts.
I like wind chimes when small, it simply sounds like a repetition of the song has no words, has been Changxia Qu, until the R & B.
I like the wind after the big, because I know the wind to the wind chimes to power, and that is the driving force behind all the good things! The wind chimes itself is a simple notes but it does not make any sense. I think I am grown up, because from the pursuit of the beautiful girl into a woman like vitality.
I have two memories of the love, it also confirmed the transformation from a girl into a woman's journey?
I have to retain a one-color paintings. Yellowing of the painting paper, sat a Sentimental timid girl, long hair hanging quietly in the chest, covered with an object Huagu Duo blooming shyly like breast ... ... Yes, it was a girl nude picture ; it is, that painting Sentimental girl was me. Painting called the "Girl with conch shell."
At the time I was a very young girl, like wearing a T-shirt, tennis skirt, like wearing shoes barefoot, eyes blank and innocent. Always outside the school, marching along the sand along the coastline facing the wind flew. The purpose is to enable the seaside painting you, intoxicated by the waves in my hair and Qunjiao Raising Lane.
At that time I was always able to clearly outline your look - tall, but slightly tired backs. Yes, I often only see the back of you. Because your eyes will always look to the sea direction. Swallow and I am not and can not fly to the sea front let you fall you saw me. How do I even leap is only one on the beach side of Raising Qunjiao girl!
I pray to God that if some day, I'm really looking forward to see the blue sky in translucent blue, clear and true to see my dreams in your face, I will be full of joy, or filled with sadness for that perfect ending burst into tears, .
At that time, I think about you stay at my side, even if you just gently kissed my forehead after he's turned and left without looking.
Can be until one day, when you said to me: "We are dating it."
I started to get greedy, I hope all this is like my mother cabinet house collection of old photographs of yellow, like, forever live in this freeze-frame moments of happiness!
Because so infatuated with you, I stay away from all the friends, rejected all the ones you call "secular" entertainment;
Because so infatuated with you, I almost neglected their studies, plunged headlong into that exudes your taste of the studio ink;
Because so infatuated with you, I am brave in your brush, the left to you my copy from the girl becomes a woman;
Because so infatuated with you, my heart to leave the body to live in the air ... ...
At that time our annual softly love, there is passion there is sadness there is hope there is lonely.
I think we loved each other, but never completed.
Chen Danyan remembered the words, "I like that have their own New Year's fireworks after the shine of the children, watching the Canhong Montreal, full of loss are lost."
Wake up later, their apathy, forget themselves in the next life.
But the naked goes on "girls and conch shells," I'd rather die in the total Shengteng forward.
I have, retain a CHANEL green bead necklace. CHANEL brand necklace exudes elegance and dignity, I have been wearing it to attend a number of important occasions, it is its capability to match any of my wide range of clothing, let it Huazhizhaozhan to provoke many a woman jealous eye ... ... Yes, it is very expensive; Yes, I admit to this day it still gives me so miss the scenery. Its Chinese name is "Chanel."
At that time, I have a nearly 30-year-old woman. Is a uniformed professional women out of the office. I really care about clothing with, pay attention to the texture of cosmetics, pay attention to what the ladies should have a style. I like a puppet on a winding, turning her dried, stuffed - a good specimen. Then, to show to others to see.
Mom always a reminder of, "You is not small, and that the individual has to find." The somewhat innovative lines is, "you have to take more initiative in how you do not take the initiative to find it?"
I can only laughing Who says I am not pro-active? Encounter like, I have always been very proactive.
The only problem I have most of the initiative have spent on the network, the use of the people who never met him.
However, there is a friend warned long ago: For a woman, it should be the temptation for others to pursue, rather than trying to take the initiative to pursue. More friends cautioned, do not look for a partner on the network. For such a warning, I have always been aware of their advantages and disadvantages, but it also has been confused in the committed.
Until then, I had the same obsession in love with a big his 11-year-old man. Coincidentally, this is the age difference between my parents!
Know him, is midnight, I drank a lot of wine drunk at home. As usual, I opened the computer, enter the QQ, and readily from the side of the magazine took the "LIEBE" has done a night network name into the chat room.
... ..- "-*%.. ￥ # *% # * * ... ... ... ... "
A strange man even more than he struck me a line to the strange "foreign language" to me.
"If you use English or Chinese, maybe I can understand the point." I said to him.
Afterwards to know --
That night, my screen name that "LIEBE" is the German "love" means. The man living in Germany, see my network name, and the misconception that foreign land met the enemy, it greeted me in German.
Soon, we love the.
The bad online dating not only failed to quell the occasional nagging mother, but became my family and the feelings of bacteria, from time to time make us one people are "allergic" to burst.
He said he did not love online too. He likes people who are real life people.
For such men, increasingly attracted me like a woman infatuated with the network.
Because the virtual, computer screen become our heaven and earth. We all like online dating, and the screen right to drink; words instead of physical movements; front of the screen to cry; toward the screen, laugh ... ... but we feel very pleasant. Because of the music and the human suffering that we can look down, but do not have to contamination.
This is high, such a distance, only he and me. I even forgot the day and night, reality and networks, in the end where is my my.
The network, I, like a shuttle of the magpie, bright smile, a Bi thousands of miles. Timing for both online and his love. The normal days, I was flying very low, with a faded messy feathers, a return to the lair of rough years, began non-stop noisy in the human world.
Because by then - I became ugly crow.
Crow crow, after all, it is even if disguised as a beautiful magpie feathers, but do not live forever cover it, "Gua - Gua -" crows are peculiar to the piercing cry!
Of course, it was not destined to the same circle and magpies love the results.
I have been resisting with no real place for this same thing will happen, it is also to resist the, and his feelings.
He certainly can continue to pursue.
But I do not want the world to go back to Raven.
That belongs to crow's nest of terror, but it is the love my man to me.
I am afraid that sad and lonely state of mind, because only the lonely, the people will realize that life and death, realized that unlimited aware of loneliness.
So, often I prefer to use the noisy laughter, with easy Chaoxue, with drunken days to dilute or obscure any feelings of regret and loss.
It is a pleasure to deceive, but some people prefer to lie in this layer of charming spent a lifetime. I think I am.
Live a rich successful people do not no lonely. For each people, others will always be water itself will always be fish. That is, or be able to freely cruise around in the water, nor can melt in water, more water can not be unity.
Inherent friend's comfort, honey lover language, but all of the thoughts and feelings can only be understood and can not be shared. Regardless of a person alone, or meet up with friends, that a trace of half-repeated feeling of loneliness, are back to not move unsolicited, rise in my heart.
So there is a moment, you will suddenly feel like everything around them is like the tide receded, bare out of a quiet and serene beach. While the world the same again, like the sea around the turbulent ups and downs, you can Yangguan Star and look down at Shek Pui, stride, stride. It is a lonely state, but also a substantial level.
However, it is actually why ignore all the beauty of loneliness, only to notice that hidden inside a faint melancholy and bleak.
Perhaps the anguish for me is a kind of pain, loneliness may be a relief for me, I do not know where in the wider world with an interpretation of what role.
Xia told me that I was thinking of a complicated woman, and sometimes too sensitive to live. I would like to, yes bar. Because everything for me, still fresh, I'll wait intrusion, would like to list Hangyunliushui's footsteps can be rude but after a short period of fever alert.
In fact, the open-ended health reveal many of life inch dish Bureau, as Lao-tzu's "Taizhiruoyu" "Family Plot, if clumsy," like, "Dah" is also can "if the old".
Fresh Start has become trivial patterns of life, and gradually fades the color of life, become ever light up white, abandoned by the end of the last forever.
Author: red_sun
